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Surfers' Paradise

Dixe Wills

Bibles, bibles, bibles. Now, don't get me wrong, mister, I'm not a religious man myself but, sitting together as we are in what I laughingly describe as my office, if you look at that bookshelf just there, next to the thigh bone of St Felicity and those two fragments of the true cross, you'll find that even I am a hoarder of the Word of the Lord. A Good News Bible, a pocket NIV, a Bible in Spanish, a Bible in French, a Bible in Haitian Creole (no, actually, I tell a lie, there's a space where that one normally is - did I lend it to you?), and a Bible in One Year (annoyingly, it doesn't say which year, so I haven't opened it yet). My cupboard runneth over.

The banquet continues on line. allows me to devour everything from an Arabic Life Application Bible to a 1934 Vietnamese Bible or, until such day as my Arabic and Vietnamese are up to the task, no fewer than 13 English versions. Personally, however, I'm rather wedded to tradition so, like many a county sheriff and retired colonel, I prefer to stick with a version of the Sacred Text I can really trust: the Lolcat Bible. For its sheer poetry there is surely no finer rendering of the Holy and Infallible Scriptures: 'At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.' (Genesis 1 v.3).

And yet this aching hole. Not a God-shaped hole exactly, though well done for suggesting it, but more of an Interactive Digital Word of God-shaped hole. Exactly the sort of hole that I had no idea was there until the arrival of Glo.

Not only is Glo 'a better bible' (and, at £59.99, a pricier one than most), it allows you to 'experience the Bible like never before'. That's according to their fancy online video, backed by an anodyne soft rock track and narrated by a woman with the most gratingly perky voice a human larynx has ever produced. Fill your computer with Glo (there's no explanation as to what the name means - God loves onanists? Good looking osteopath?) and 'instead of just reading the Bible, you see it, feel it, get it'.

Glo has atlases, timelines, photos, articles, 'immersive 360o tours of modern-day and re-created ancient biblical locations', interactive HD documentaries and video clips: Max Lucado (remember him?) is in there somewhere telling us that, 'He [God, presumably] felt everything that we feel,' which is comforting - I had no idea that the Lord of All Creation had had so much dental work done.

With a click and a zoom Glo can sort verses into bite-sized topics, while a MyGlo section lets you upload all your notes, experiences and 'content' - at last you can start penning further books of the Bible yourself.

Personally, I can't wait because I find I really don't spend enough time in front of my computer. It's a tragedy, then, that although Glo promises to revolutionise my faith in ways 'paper Bibles' can only dream about, the one thing it won't do is run on my Mac.